8th Post

...I remember laying in the Emergency Room talking with my friend Barb.  The hospital staff was really strange, they wouldn't let more than one person back at a time.  Stefan wasn't there yet, and I think almost every parent that was in San Diego for LonePeak Football was at the hospital for me and my family.  I will never forget the feeling of having so many people care about us, and wanting to support us, we have some of the greatest people I know in our little community.  There were several people that wanted to come and talk with me, but I was very apprehensive, Barb was the first familiar face I saw and to be honest, I didn't want her to leave.  I also didn't want to see anyone else.  I knew people would be heartbroken, they loved Paige, and would be so worried about me and my boys.  I didn't want them to worry about me, and I didn't want to have to be strong for anyone.  Poor Barb was stuck, I kept telling her, I just wanted her to stay, I didn't want anyone but her until Stefan got there.  She finally got me to let some of my close friends come in.  They were all so sweet and all were so concerned.  I tried to be strong, but I honestly just wanted my boys...  I know my friends understood...

I remember being so grateful for such loving, faithful people that were with us in San Diego.  Parents that went out of their way to drive to Pasadena to get my son and bring him to his mom, parents that left the game and drove straight to the hospital when they heard the news, parents who grabbed their sons and brought them to be with Stefan, parents who immediately started making phone calls - organizing - whatever they could to help and offer support...what wonderful people we have in our lives.  Juleen, fighting with the California Highway Patrol, telling them she wasn't going to leave the accident scene until they gave her all of my luggage.  Thank you to all of you, and you know who you are, I love you all, and Paige loved you, she thought the parents and the team were there for her.  I think it would have shattered her world if she realized that we were there for football and that we weren't all there for her.  She thought everyone knew her and if there was any doubt she had no hesitation introducing herself and finding "best friends" every where she went.  

After Stefan arrived, we had the opportunity to have a blessing given to us by two fathers of Stefan's fellow football players.  Wow, here we were so many miles away from home and we had faithful men and women there to pray for us and to bless us at the very hour of our need.  I don't think I can put into words what it feels like to go from feeling so helpless and alone more than just a few hours before to feeling like I had an army of saints at the hospital for our family.  The spirit felt that night in the emergency room was so strong it was unbelievable.  I know the hospital staff had never encountered anything like it.  This hospital was used to the knife and gun club, gang bangers, they had police on staff at the hospital because they were used to people from opposite gangs coming into the ER and having wars.  Here sat wholesome, god fearing people, that love with ever fiber of their being and were there just to support my family and each other.  I will never forget the feeling I felt that night as I lay there waiting for my oldest son to arrive...Stefan and I were at peace, thanks to the love of friends and our loving Heavenly Father.

Here I was, experiencing the most devastating pain of loss, yet simultaneously feeling an indescribable feeling of gratitude and love.   They say in order to experience true joy one has to feel true despair...was that what I was feeling and experiencing.  I remember laying there and knowing I was awake and alert, but everything was kind of blurry, I say that for lack of a better term.  Nothing that night was vivid, it was like an old fashioned movie...just like a fog.  People talk of air being thick, everything about this day/night was thick, heavy, slow motion and colorless.  But the love and compassion was there and it was like a light piercing through this fog, what an amazing thing we possess when we show love to one another.  How could this day, that had now turned into early evening, the day that would forever be the worst day of my life also be one of the most spiritual and love filled days of my life?