3rd Post

FYI:  Before I start the post for today, I wanted to explain how to leave comments on this blog.  At the end of each post, the word comment is printed in pink.  All you have to do is click on comment and it will take you into a window, write your comment and then publish it.  

...I remember the firemen arriving and pulling the truck off of the car.  I thought I could get out now...but first they were getting Paige, they had her out so fast.  I tried to look behind me, but I couldn't even turn enough to see her.  The anxiety started to rear its ugly head again, I wanted out, the sun was beating on me and I still hadn't been able to see my little girl.  The fireman was talking to me, he wanted to know if I could move my legs, I told him I could.  He insisted that I show him, I said I just want out of this car, can you get me out.  He abruptly asked me to show him that I could move my legs, I was very annoyed at this, I wasn't in a rational state at this point.  I stomped my feet up and down so he could see that I could move.  I told him everything was fine with me and I just needed to get out of the car.  Thinking back, I feel bad for being so ungrateful, I didn't mean to be, I just didn't have much left, I was starting to lose it.  Never in my life had I been so helpless.  Being pinned in a confined space and honestly not being able to physically do anything about it is enough to make one lose their mind.  I was teetering on complete emotional breakdown.   It was like the rational, calm, Natalie was dealing with the scared, child-like, Natalie...it was crazy!  When the fireman determined I wasn't paralyzed, he went to get more tools to work on getting me out.  I looked at the window and now that the semi-truck was off my hip, I thought I might be able to wiggle my way out of the seat and pull myself out the window.  I reached my arms out of the window to grab the top of the car and immediately felt excruciating pain.  I slowly brought my arms back inside and realized I was hurt.  Could I be bleeding internally?  Reality started to come into my mind and I was scared, for the first time, I was really scared.  Up to this point, I had been annoyed, inconvenienced, but now I realized this was serious.  Where was Paige?  Was she ok, was I ok?  Where we going to make it?  How serious was this accident, were the looks on the faces I had seen just minutes earlier been an indication of what was to come?  

Next thing I knew they were trying to pry the metal from the car off of me with the jaws of life. Everytime they would make a move to use them it would push the metal into my hip, and it was very painful.  Soon they realized this wasn't the best approach to get me out.  They drapped the car with a tarp like thing and broke the windshield, they were going to take me up and out.  The bystander that had been so willing to make phone calls to my family was still there talking to me.  He had spoken with my son and my exhusband at this point.  He told me that he had told them that we were doing good, I was relieved.  Soon after that I was out, the bystander had held the tarp so that the metal and glass wouldn't get in my face, he was such a nice man.  Next thing I knew I was in the ambulance, and all I could say is where is my daughter.  The paramedics reassured me that she was being life flighted to a hospital and they were going to take me to the same hospital by ambulance.  We were out, we were for the moment safe, and even though I wasn't with Paige, they told me she was okay and on her way to the hospital.  Unfortunately, I would soon find out this was not the case.  As we drove off in the ambulance, I was hurting pretty bad, they didn't strap me down and I was trying to hold on and not fall off the gurney and was starting to get very cold.  They cut open my shirt and put electrodes on my chest, all the while I was trying to hold on for dear life.  I finally asked if they could put a blanket on me as I was exposed and afraid that I was going into shock, I was really cold.  Then I heard the radio, they were redirecting me to another hospital.  My heart sank, years of working in the medical field had come back to haunt me.  I knew this was not a good sign.  Why weren't they taking me to the hospital that Paige was at?  I asked them why they were changing hospitals, they said this other hospital was closer.  Again, I went into self preservation mode...I rationalized that this must be because Paige wasn't that bad and they didn't need to take her to the hospital that they initially thought they should.  

I was scared, I wanted someone to hold my hand, but these paramedics just didn't seem to be able to show that kind of compassion.  My feet were in glass from the car, I was laying in glass, and holding on, every corner I just about fell off of the gurney, was this really happening?  They were taking care of me, I was going to be alright, quit being so needy, these guys are doing the best they can.  When would we be at the hospital?  Would Paige be at this hospital?  When would I see her again?  Hopefully her dad and brothers were on their way, maybe my son that was in California was being taken to Paige and would be there with her until I could get there, oh I hoped so, I prayed she wasn't alone and scared! 

After what seemed like hours, we were at the hospital, and that is when things started moving fast...the first thing I remember is lots of questions...but as I would answer, I would ask how is my little girl, where is my little girl?  After they were through checking me out, the question I was dreading came, "so how old WAS your little girl?"  I said "she IS five"!!!  The health care worker turned away...what was that?  Did they know something they weren't telling me.  My daughter is five years old and she is alive, she had a pulse, they were rushing her by helicopter to a hospital, that was the facts as I knew them and that was what I was going to believe, that is what I had to believe...