The realization of the loss was incapacitating, but through the love of my incredible boys, my loving brothers and sister-in-laws, caring friends and family we were able to make it through. The next few days were a whirlwind and I was pretty much out of it. I know that my son Chase was very busy getting photos for people, calling everyone, fielding phone calls etc. He was the man of the house and he just took over. I didn't have any idea that he was doing all of this. I had dear friends around me, friends and family flew in from North Carolina, California, Arizona and Idaho. I had friends and family taking my boys out to get them suits for the funeral, looking for outfits for me, you name it someone was on it. Food was being brought in, I mean it was unbelievable. I remember waking up to Brooke and Chase sleeping in my bed with me and it gave me so much comfort. I was having anxiety attacks frequently, I actually had a paper bag by my bed and I used it. This had started while in the hospital. I was scared to be alone, but fortunately no one ever let that happen.
It was time to write the obituary and plan the funeral. I was in the living room when Chase read to me the obituary he had written...I only had a few things to add, he is such a beautiful writer. Then he said, it was time to figure out what to do for the funeral... I remember this so clearly, I looked at him and said, "I know exactly what I want and who I want to speak"... he looked at me incredulous. I don't think I had been lucid very often since the accident. But, at this moment I knew what needed to be said and done for our little angel. And Chase wrote it down, made the phone calls and it was done. Paige's funeral was the most beautiful touching celebration of life I have ever witnessed.
When we arrived at the church, friends had made scrapbooks of Paige, that were amazing!!! These would have taken hours and hours. Then my sister-in-law Jina had made each of us a quilt with pictures of Paige and writing and intricate quilting, I know she had help of friends and women in my ward, but how all of this was accomplished is still beyond comprehension. There was a DVD put together with movies of Paige and us and her friends and all the wonderful things she had accomplished in her 5 short years on this earth. I know that writing this right now does not do justice as to what love was shown that day to our family!!! Then it was expressed throughout that week and for weeks, months and years to come.
Morgan had taken care of the arrangements, we went together to pick out a cemetery plot, I was in a wheelchair...but able to walk, just in a lot of pain. The day of the funeral, it was long but I was able to withstand the day, I have no idea how. I do have to thank Morgan for being so attentive of me that day, he stepped up to the plate. The funeral was packed, people were standing in the halls and some had to stay outside because it was just too hard for them. Stefan's whole football team was there, all of our relatives, friends, young and old were there. This little girl had touched so many lives. At the age of 5, she had lived more than most adults and definitely loved more. The internment in the cemetery was beautiful. My brother Tracy had written a poem about butterflies and then we all opened little boxes with beautiful monarch butterflies that took flight, Paige would have LOVED that. Then Morgan put a case with doves on my lap and I opened it up and Doves flew out and circled and it was heavenly. Wow, what a tribute to a true angel.
I want to thank the people that did so much for us, and you all know who you are. Food, love, friendship, service, just anything anyone could do - they did. Thank you. Thanks to Miss Molly and Ronalee for speaking. Thanks to my Chase for his words and beautiful song. Thanks to Stefan and Chase for their song, thanks to Brooke for her beautiful song. Thanks to all of Paige's little friends who sang "I Am A Child Of God"... Thanks for the Maori's and the song and haka... Thanks for all the scrapbooks, the pictures that were put in frames, the quilts, the food that was provided for the family after the funeral, the sleepovers, the dinners, friends and family staying with me 24/7. Thank you Morgan for taking care of your family during this terrible ordeal and thank you Stefan for being my son and brother to Paige and Thank You Chase for taking care of all of us, for being the best brother to Stefan and Paige and for being my son!!! I love you so much!!!
The love that I feel for everyone who came to my home or to the church or cemetery...or those that wrote letters or sent gifts...or even just took a moment to pray or have us in your thoughts, the love is beyond words.
We miss you Paige girl, we love you and look forward to the day when we can be together again. I know for you it isn't that far away, but for those of us left here on the earth it feels like an eternity. Goodbye for now...
2 comments:
This is a beautiful tribute Nat. I wish I'd been there...
Wow... I'm proud of you for writing so much, so well, and so beautifully! A heartfelt thanks for sharing with all of us.
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